Inu Yasha Learns To Jive
by Otaku1811
Summary: What happens when Kagome's English slang book enchants our favorite potty mouthed Hanyou?
1. Say Whaaaaat???

Disclaimer: You've read a million of em,' so one more won't hurt....too much ^_^ Inu Yasha etc. belongs to the great Rumiko Takahashi-Sama...not lil ol' me. So no sue, k?  
  
A/N: This isn't my first attempt at writing fanfiction, but it's the first one I've ever posted on ff.net...or online, so be kind and review! ( Unless you want a rabid otaku to bite you! ^_* )  
  
Inu Yasha Learns To Jive  
  
By Otaku-Chan ^_~  
  
On one fine and abnormally average day in Senkoku Jidai, a very bored Hanyou watched the sunny summer afternoon melt into early evening as he patiently waited from his high perch within the Goshimboku tree. Then a familiar figure graced his presence as she climbed out of the well with a small book in her hand that had strange, unfamiliar writing all over its cover.  
  
"It's about time! What took you so damn long, bitch?!" Inu Yasha growled as he sprang out of the tree to land in a not-so-graceful manner at Kagome's feet.  
  
"I had to stay after for some help with my English homework, so don't even start!" Kagome quickly started walking towards Kaede's village, trying her best to ignore the indignant glare she was recieving from Inu Yasha.  
  
"Keh! You make this 'Engrish' stuff sound more important than your mission here! And what is that strange book you're carrying? Some kind of spell book?" Inu Yasha inquired as he strode right up to an annoyed Kagome. She 'humphed' and continued walking.  
  
'If only Inu Yasha knew all the goodies this book here contains...all the jive and slang that I could use, and teach myself to say things in a language he can't even fathom!' Kagome thought as she looked at the little book in her hand. She had been taking English in her school, and as a result became fascinated with the language, so as every good language student knows, the experience just isn't complete until you have a slang book.  
  
Suddenly, Inu Yasha grabbed the book out of her hand and began flipping through the pages...Then, before Kagome could "sit" him, a strange glow eminated from the book.  
  
"I knew this was a spell book! What the hell are you into, wench?" Inu yasha was then enveloped in the light as Kagome stared in total disbelief at what was happening. Then as soon as the glowing phenomena began, it ended abruptly, leaving two very confused people to ponder, 'what in the seven hells just happened?'  
  
"I-Inu Yasha, what was that just now?" Kagome asked in a very unsure tone.  
  
"How da hell should I know? I plum jimmeyed dis wierd spell book an' den dair wuz some funky light!" Kagome stared in horror as she heard the words uttered out of Inu Yasha's mouth.  
  
"W-What did you just say? You couldn't possibly have just spoken in ....jive???" Kagome said nervously as she reclaimed her book from a very confused Hanyou.  
  
"Damn it bizatch! Whut da damn hell dun did yo' punk-ass 'engrish' spell book thingy do t' me?! Yo' ass betta' fix dis bug-up-da-ass soon, becuz mah thinka' be bein' filled wit' words I've neva' heard b4! I is gittin' worried in da house!" Inu Yasha shouted, much to Kagome's apparent horror.  
  
'What am I going to do now?' Kagome thought as she slapped her forehead. She knew that if she didn't do something soon, Inu Yasha may be stuck in a funk forever. 'I knew I shouldn't have bought that book from that wierd 'Magic Moon' shop, but it was only 100 yen!'  
  
"Well, be yo' ass fixin' t' do sump'n o' plum stare at me all damn day!" Inu Yasha glared at her through piercing golden eyes, but she was too shocked to respond.  
  
"Inu Yasha..." she began.  
  
"whut be it?" he asked, a bit curious at her sudden serious expression.  
  
"Shut up"  
  
  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
A/N: Well, what'd ya'll thank? Good, bad, stupid? Let me know by clicking that funky thang! Ja ne 4 now! 


	2. 'Mystic Moon' Mayhem!

Disclaimer: Same as chapter one, etc. and so forth. I no own, you no sue, the lawyers can rant till' they turn blue. ^___^  
  
A/N: Yay! I got reviews! Thank you all soooo much! Now, here's chapter two.....ku ku ku!  
  
Oh, and I forgot to give credit to the all mighty jive server which can translate anything into jive ^_^ http://ccwf.cc.utexas.edu/~eclectic/toys/jive.html  
  
Inu Yasha Learns To Jive  
  
By Otaku-Chan ^_~  
  
Inu Yasha stared at Kagome in utter disbelief...his sweet, innocent, kind Kagome just told HIM to shut up! It wasn't his fault that the damn book was cursed! Go figure! Then he paused to wonder...where did Kagome get such witchery, and why was she carrying it around with her? The word 'Engrish' even sounded like a strange cult! Did she intentionally test his curiosity to place a spell on him? His anger grew at the sudden thoughts racing through his 'thinka.'  
  
"I aint fixin' t'shut Down!'you betta' start 'esplainig 'esact-like whut da damn hell be goin' on! Where dun did yo' ass git dis fraikin' book? Be yo' ass puroseful-like tryin' t' fuck wit' mah brain? W-E-Dubba-L?!" Inu Yasha got right up in her face with his questions.....and for some odd reason, Kagome noted, she understood every word out of his scowling mouth.  
  
'Why can I understand him? I bought myself that book to TEACH myself slang, but some how I already understand it all! It must have been caused by that strange light!' Kagome thought as she slowly backed away from the enraged Hanyou.  
  
"Well....you see....I hadn't even had the chance to really look at the book yet, and I honestly had no idea it was 'cursed' or whatever....." she began, until she was interupted by Inu Yasha-the-funk-masta-G...  
  
"Plum spit it out, o' else I gots'ta got'ta bizatch slap yo' ass!"  
  
Kagome then sat down beside him and gave a heavy sigh...." Alright already! It all started this afternoon when I got out my English class...."  
  
~Flashback~  
  
"Kagome-Chan! Matte!" Kagome turned to see her friend Makoto speed walking to catch up with her as she exited the school building. Since Kagome was rarely seen, what with all those unusual, and sometimes fatal diseases and all...., Makoto took the opportunity to spend some time with her while she was still living.  
  
"Long time no see! So, did the doctors cure your Rheumatic fever? You look pretty healthy today" Makoto said with a smile, while Kagome nearly fell over at the remark with a rather large sweat drop on her forehead. She knew her Grandpa couldn't of possibly though of any better excuses ^_^;.  
  
"Nee, Makoto-Chan, do you know of any place that sells slang books? I really want to teach myself some good English slang...for the fun of it of course...." Kagome stated with a grin.  
  
Puzzled for a moment, Makoto began to review what Kagome just asked her. ( The brain can only work so fast after a long, tiring day of school ya know ^_^ ). Suddenly, the much appreciated, and well timed light bulb appeared and Makoto replied to the question that was asked at least three minutes earlier.  
  
"Actually, there's this really trippy little shop that sells tons of books, both old and new...I bet you could find a REALLY good slang book in a place like that! I'll show you where it is, come on!"  
  
Much to Kagome's joy, the two started to walk at a brisk pace into an area of Tokyo that was rarely paid much attention to. They found themselves weaving through crowds of people, and eventually they reached a semi-dark alley way. Makoto led Kagome to a small, almost unnoticable flight of stairs that led to a door of hanging glass beads. The two girls pushed the beads aside and entered the tiny, and very cramped bookshop, which smelled heavily of opium insence.  
  
Kagome was amazed at how many books could be stuffed into such a small area as she looked around the dimly lit room. She suddenly felt a strange aura as she turned to face a tall, darkly clad woman, with long black hair that trailed down far below her knees. Makoto didn't notice the sudden tension in the air as the young Miko stared at the mysterious woman.  
  
"Welcome to 'The Magic Moon Book Shop,' is there anything I can help you locate while you're her?" said the woman in a soft, yet strangely suspicious voice. Kagome slowly nodded before she replied, not noticing the mischevious smirk that quickly flashed on the woman's face.  
  
"A-Ano....I was wondering if you happen to carry any English slang books...." Before Kagome could say any more, the woman procured such a book from off of a nearby shelf.  
  
"Here." She handed the little book, entitled "Jive: For Homies Who Wanna Be Down Wit It," to a slightly anxious Kagome. As soon as the book touched her hand, Kagome felt an odd little spark, not like static electricity, but something else....something she decided wasn't worth worrying over.  
  
"That'll be 100 Yen." Then as if reading Kagome's thoughts, 'why so cheap?,' the woman added, "I don't get very many customers, so I lowered the price especially for you. I hope you enjoy the book....and be sure to teach your friends a thing or two." With that said, the woman took the 100 Yen Kagome had to offer and dissapeared into a small doorway in the back of the room. Makoto walked over to stand beside Kagome.  
  
"All set?" she asked, and Kagome nodded, only to be snapped back into reality.  
  
"Oh crap! I totally forgot!" Kagome nearly shouted as she began to run out of the shop.  
  
"Gomen Makoto-Chan, demo I have to get back home...I promised to teach Sota a new game...I'll see you at school some time ( If I don't fall to a sudden illness...)." Then she raced off towards the Higurashi shrine, knowing that her REAL reason to leave was to return to the Senkoku Jidai, as per a certain overbearing Hanyou's orders. Being lynched for being late on Inu Yasha's schedule was no fun.  
  
Meanwhile, Kagome was totally oblivious to the odd power that vaguely pulsed through the 'Jive' book as she leaped into the depths of the Bone Gobbling Well.  
  
~End Flashback~  
  
"...and that's all I know, I swear!" stated Kagome while intaking a deep breath of the now night-time air. Inu Yasha just sat silently for a moment, rubbing his temples to aleviate the small headache that began to make his situation a little bit more annoying.  
  
"Somehow yo' ass 24/7 manage t' git us into some fucked down situashun, do yo' ass know dat?"  
  
"Unfortunately, I do" Kagome sighed as she stood up. "Let's see what Kaede- Sama has to say about all this."  
  
Then without any further discussion, the two continued on towards the village. Both were thinking of exactly how they were going to explain their situation to the others....Well, things could be worse, right?  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
A/N: Well, that certainly was a long chapter....for me anyway ^_^; It may sound kinda serious-ish now, but don't worry, ther'll be more jive to come foos! So read and review! 


	3. Funky Fluffy???!!!

Disclaimer: Same as the first two chapters...blah blah and another blah.  
  
A/N: I have been formulating ideas in my head all day as to where this fic is going, and I've finally got enough stuff in my 'thinka' to write this third chapter ^_^ Unfortunately, my computer monitor is dying....so I may not be able to edit very well since the screen keeps going black ^_^; When it stops working completely, I'll have to wait a loooong time until my mom can buy a new one, so lets hope it lives a bit longer!  
  
Inu Yasha Learns To Jive  
  
By Otaku-Chan ^_~  
  
Miroku stood up as he saw two very upset looking people walk into the hut. All other eyes in the room also turned to glance at the pair.  
  
"What took you so long Kagome-Sama? We were beginning to worry about you. You said you'd be back before it got dark." Miroku asked as he walked over to kagome. Once he got within range...he took full advantage and groped her chest, only to hear Inu Yasha go off the handle ^_^;  
  
"Whut da damn hell do yo' ass think u r doin' t' M-A-fuckin'-H ho yo' ass  
  
bastard!? Git yo' dirty hands off ha' now b4 I ice yo' ass!!!"  
  
Miroku and the others all looked stunned. What was that hideous sounding language that he just spoke in? Kagome made a slight coughing sound which re-directed their attention to a now beat red Miko.  
  
"Kagome, what is wrong with Inu Yasha? He doesn't....sound right." Kaede asked as she approached the Hanyou with the utmost curiosity. Then she quickly backed away, shielding her wrinkled old face as if something very offensive blew her way.  
  
"I sense a very strong entity coming from Inu Yasha! I can feel it's dark presence trying to take control of him and anyone else who's around him! Kagome, do you know what happened to him?" she asked, more than a bit worried since the longer she stayed near Inu Yasha and the 'entity,' the more she felt strange words creeping into her head.  
  
"Well...to make a long story short, I bought an English slang book from some wierd lady that has some kind of 'entity,' or spell, or something in it...and when Inu Yahsa opened it, it glowed really brightly. After that he has been speaking in jive. I don't know what to do! Is there any way you could exorcise him or something?" Kagome was sincerely hoping that the old miko could do SOMETHING to make the 'homie dawg' stop barkin' in jive!  
  
"Hey! Stop rappin' shit about me when I is right in da house! I kin find mah own way t' braik dis crappy spell. I duzn't need da damn played out bag t'esorcise' me! Besides...I is kinda' gittin' 'esploited t' rappin' likes dis."  
  
Before the matter could be pressed any further, a lot of screaming and panicking could be heard from outside of the hut, which stirred the Homie-G- Funk-Dawg-Inu Yasha-Tachi  
  
to run out of the hut to see what had the villagers in such a frenzy.  
  
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! There's a REALLY hot youkai attacking the village! Run to save your virginity....er....children!!!!" one woman screamed as she raced into her thatched hut, with a blush on her chubby cheeks. Sango pulled out her rather large ass-kicking boomerang and prepared to fight whatever dared to invade the village. To everyone's surprise, the 'sexy' youkai was none other than the Great Lord Of Western Lands~Sesshoumaru-Sama!  
  
"Inu Yasha, I'm sure you know why I have wasted my valuable time to come to this worthless human village, so just hand over the Tetsusaiga, unless you want me to get....angry...." If looks could kill, Sesshoumaru had a glare that would pierce through the toughest armor.  
  
"Dammit Sesshoumaru! Y do yo' ass 24/7 got'ta show down likes some kinda'  
  
pshychotic doggy fraik peekin' t' bite some bone from wassups brotha'?Amen! I  
  
duzn't have time t' deal wit' yo' prissy feminine ass!"  
  
Sesshoumaru's mouth dropped open a little at what he just heard out of his bastard half-brother's mouth. What was that AWFUL din that fell upon his perfectly pointy elf-like ears? He quickly composed himself and drew out his Toukijin katana....he felt a very kanine instinct at that moment to slice at the offensive Hanyou's dirty mouth.  
  
"Sesshoumaru, please don't fight him! He's not in his right mind right now!" Kagome yelled as she stepped in front of her precious dog boy. Inu Yasha merely pushed her aside and whipped out his giant sword of death, AKA: Testusaiga ^_~  
  
"Since yo' ass duzn't seem t' heed mah warnin', it peeks likes I is gonna got'ta taih' yo' ass some fresh ass hole! In da house I come brotha'!" Then he leaped toward the slightly amused youkai. Yes indeed, if Inu Yasha's wench was correct, then Sesshoumaru could have some fun with his 'crazy' little brother.  
  
"Why are you speaking like some foreign brothel girl? Are you trying to scare this Sesshoumaru away with your inane, and utterly useless sense of language?" Sesshoumaru made a slight smile appear on his usually emotionless face as his sword clashed with Inu Yasha's.  
  
"Hah! Da words out o' mah mout' sound some hell o' some lot betta' dan anythin' yo' ass could eva' say!"  
  
After hearing this, Sesshoumaru felt a sudden twinge of an emotion he felt only when the Tetsusaiga was involved...jealousy. Yes. He felt incredibly jealous that his pathetic half-brother had the knowledge to speak in a different language when he only knew Japanese.  
  
He decided to end the fight then and there, and did it simply by threatening his brother with the first words that came to his mind.  
  
"Inu Yasha, you WILL teach me of this language you speak, or else I'll kill your human wench and everyone else with my poisonous claws. For now, you need no longer to worry about me taking your katana, but I will speak as you do! Mark my words!" Little did Sesshoumaru realize, the reason for his semi-irrational thoughts at that moment was due to that same strange aura around Inu Yasha. It was pulling in yet another victim to the jiggy groove of jive!  
  
"Well, I guess it couldn't hurt if I tought yo' ass sump'n 4 once. Afterall, I be da damn supuh'ior one in our relashuns. Sheeeiit. Not t' menshun dat I duzn't want mah homies t' git hurt....." With that well said ^_^ Inu Yasha put away his sword and led Sesshoumaru into Kaede's hut to let the teaching begin.  
  
"Well, that quarrel ended nicely. Looks like those two will be doing some brotherly bonding for the first time in their lives" remarked Miroku as he watched the two Inu brothers go to get edumakated. However, Kagome wasn't the least bit thrilled at everything that was happening. It was a total nightmare! If she didn't do something, pretty soon everyone would be speaking in jive. Creepy images began to form in her head...the entire course of Japan's history would be altered. Everyone would be funky homies trying to sound cool...the history books would even be written in jive!  
  
"Nooooooo! I won't let that happen!" Everone turned to Kagome, surprised at her sudden out burst, sure she was only an adolescent, but they knew there was more to it. Shippo was the most worried about her well being...or her sanity at the moment ^_^; They all followed her into the hut, only to be completely taken by surprise at what they found.....  
  
"Wha's down pathetic mortals? Since I be so's incredibly wonderful, an' intelligent, I alraidy picked down dis amazin' fresh language! It peeks likes all o' yo' lives have plum been 'estended."  
  
At that, the entire group, minus Inu Yasha, face faulted onto the hard wooden floor.  
  
"Well, I gots'ta thinka' out t' protect mah Western Territories from indignant whelps likes yourselves...Oh an' I'will be back t' claim da Testusaiga. Bye 4 now Hanyou brotha'."  
  
Then as gracefully as he arrived ^_^;, Sesshoumaru left on his cloud- thingy, very content with his new found knowledge....he knew that he be down wit it.  
  
"It looks like there was another convert to your funky language Inu Yasha- Sama" Miroku said with a wink. Kagome was nearly passed out from the shock. Who would've ever thought that SESSHOUMARU of all peop...er...youkai would ever speak slang! She had to admit, it was humorous, but when would this whole 'jive' ordeal go too far?  
  
That was her last coherent thought before she completely blacked out.  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
A/N: Now that Sesshoumaru has been funka'fied, who's next? Will Kagome figure out how to end the maddness? Hee hee, y'all jus gotta' wait ^_~  
  
And remeba ma' fine homie g's, REVIEW!!! 


	4. Naraku's Last Ku!

Disclaimer: Inu Yasha's outfit's red, Kagome's tie is too, I no own, you no sue. If you do, shame on you, I'm totally broke, so 'nah' to you! ^_^  
  
A/N: I'm baaaaack! *Silence* Well, here's chapter four. It's been tough posting cause of my PC problem, add to the fact that school bites, but yesterday was my last day of school. Yay! But three evil finals are staring me in the face next week -_-;; Anyway, this story will only have one more chapter after this. I had originally intended it to be five chapters. If it gets any longer, I'm afraid my ideas will start to get repetitive, and we don't want that now do we? So, enough of my blabberin' on wit da chapta' foos!  
  
Inu Yasha Learns To Jive  
  
By Otaku-Chan ^_~  
  
The setting sun sent off flaming tentacles of light in every direction as it quietly sunk into the horizon, giving birth to the first shadows of night. As the creatures of the daytime prepared to slumber until the dawn of a new day, the creatures of the night came out to play. ( A/N: Isn't this so poetic? ^_^ ) One tall, dark, er...light, solitary Youkai stood and witnessed all of these happenings of nature as he kept a silent vigil over his lands. Indeed, it was a tedious task to guard his territory from fools, but what else would he do with his time ( Other than trying to ruin Inu Yasha's life, and take his tetsusaiga )? Pick flowers with Rin? Play chinese checkers with Jaken? No, certainly not.  
  
Seeing as all was clear, he decided to head back to his estate, until a sudden rustling in some nearby bushes caught his attention. Then he heard a smooth, almost secretive male voice speak from under the cover of the bush.  
  
"Ku, ku, ku...You are the Great Sesshoumaru-Sama of the Western Lands, are you not?" Sesshoumaru didn't feel inclined to speak at that moment, instead, he quickly leaped forward and slashed at the talking bush with his poison claws, only to witness....a giant flying monkey? No, he must've drank too much sake today. As the figure landed in front of him, he realised his observations were not completely incorrect. What stood before him appeared to be a rather large, furry, white baboon with a creepy blue snout that projected from its ugly face. Sesshoumaru, however, soon noticed that the outer babbon exterior was merely a pelt that covered up what appeared to be a powerful youkai...but his keen sense of smell also detected a slight trace of a familiar, and very unwelcome odor...human.  
  
"Now, now. There's no need for violence. I mean you no harm. In fact, I am here to make a deal with you...one I think you'll readily agree to" Naraku began as he took a step towards the youkai lord. "I am known as Naraku, and let's just say I have a somewhat unpleasant history when it comes to Inu Yasha. Yes, we are fierce enemies, so I figured I could use you to do some damage to the pup...since I'm not fond of doing the dirty work myself, ku, ku, ku." Then Naraku removed a decaying human arm with what appeared to be a shard of the famous Shikon no Tama. "With this, you can wield the tetsusaiga and destroy the pathetic Hanyou, along with his weakling friends. I also should warn you of the delinquent monk in their group. He has an air void in his left hand that can suck in anything....take thi, it contains poisonous bee youkai that even the monk can't survive from."  
  
Sesshoumaru merely glanced at the furry man with a bored expression on his handsom face.  
  
"Honkey. I, da Great Sesshoumaru, have no need 4 anythin' some lowly coward  
  
such as yourself has t' gimme. Da bomb! Mah half brotha' an' I have raiched  
  
some truce, at laist 4 now. Also, I have no need 4 dat filthy arm! Unlike in da  
  
anime, I neva' had mah arm chopped off in da fust place. Da autho'ss o' dis  
  
fanfic loves me too much t' have me be armless.Now, if yo' ass duzn't mind, I  
  
have betta' shit t' do wit' mah time dan listen t' yo' ass." Then Sesshoumaru gracefully turned around and started walking away, leaving a VERY confused Naraku in his midst.  
  
"What the hell was that just now? Some strange dialect of the Inu youkai language that I don't know about?" Naraku wondered as he stared at the retreating form of Sesshoumaru. Then suddenly a HUGE realization hit Naraku like a ton of tatami mats. If this 'authoress' person change the story, what role was he to have in ruining everybody's lives? He didn't want a plot hole to ruin his plans, so he decided to follow Sesshoumaru and set things straight, even if it meant that he had to be the one to chop off the youkai lord's arm! No! He would not be beaten! Ku, ku, ku! He quickly started to follow Sesshoumaru, with new determination to set things 'right,' but little did he know how 'wrong' things would get...  
  
"Y da fuckin' hell be yo' ass followin' me fraik?! I alraidy told yo' ass dat I  
  
aint interested in yo' punk-ass piece o' shit arm!" Sesshoumaru said as he sharply turned to face a stunned Naraku.  
  
'What's happening to me? Why do I feel so strange all of a sudden? I....I feel like my head is being bombarded with words every time he speaks to me...what in the seven hells is happening' Naraku thought as he was trying to process the new words forming in his head. Yes. The jive was spreading to a new victim ^_~.  
  
"Sesshoumaru! Whut kinda' spell be yo' ass castin' on me? Ya' know? Whut be  
  
dese-he'ah words comin' out o' mah mout'? Answa' me bizatch!" Sesshoumaru was completely stunned at that moment. How did Naraku learn his new jive? Then again, he did think it was kinda odd how he learned a new language so fast, perhaps it had nothing to do with intelligence....Either way, his curiosity got the best of him. He quickly jumped in front of a rather angry looking baboon, grabbed him around the waist, and headed off in the direction of the village in which his brother stayed. He would find out what kind of power this 'jive' thing really was. Naraku was too surprised to even react at the moment he was grabbed like a rag doll.  
  
The two youkai bounded off, neither caring about how odd they both looked at the moment.  
  
~Meanwhile at the village~  
  
Kagome had come back to consciousness, only to discover that EVERYONE around her was now speaking jive! Even poor, innocent little Shippo!  
  
"Kagome!!! Waaaah! I wuz sooo worried about yo' ass! I thought yo' ass would neva' wake down again!" Shippo cried as he leaped into Kagome's arms. She tried to block out the diry words that came out of her favorite Kitsune's mouth. How ironic, she ended up currupting all of her Sengoku Jidai friends unintentionally!  
  
"It looks like the jive-in-the-history-books nightmare is coming true! Kami- Sama! Why did I have to buy a CURSED slang book? This whole situation is so stupid that....that I think I'm gonna....." before Kagome could utter another word, she burst out into histerical sobbing, which made Inu Yasha become very concerned.  
  
"Kagome, be yo' ass coo'? Sheeeiit. Come on, duzn't cry. It be not D-A- fuckin'-T way baaad, be it? Woah, Nellie! Besides, we all kinda likes rappin' diesel likes dis. Don' u feel way baaad about it." Inu Yasha said, as he rubbed the sobbing girls back, trying to provide some comfort for her, but all he really accomplished was to upset her even more.  
  
"S-so, you actually like....talking...i-in jive...*sniff*?" Kagome asked as she felt a new wave of tears come over her. She reached to her right to pick up the jive book and she glared at it, almost hatefully, but before she could think another painful thought, the villagers were once again in an uproar.  
  
"Hey! The sexy dog guy is back! And he has someone else with him!" said the same chubby village girl from before. Once again, everbody came out of the hut to see what it was.  
  
Inu Yasha growled. "Geez! Not again! I thought Sesshoumaru waint fixin' t' botha' us again!" Then he noticed who his older brother had draped over his shoulder and his jaw dropped in disbelief. "N-Naraku?!"  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
A/N: Well, there's only one chapter to go after this. I hope y'all like it so far ^_^ And thanks to all of you who reviewed...I fell so special now ^_~ Please pardon any typos, cause I can't see what I'm typing right now, and editing is impossible, Hopefully Wednesday we'll get the computer fixed, and I'll have some more good stuff for you all to read! Maybe even a bit o' lemon...We'll see, ne? So, that's all I got to say, so now all you gotta do is review! Arigatou minna!  
  
Otaku-Chan ^_~ 


	5. The End...?

Disclaimer: I want to change the world....disclaimers would be a flaming memory, and I would own Sesshy! But sadly, I'm just a poor student writing aimlessly, it's blunderland!  
  
A/N: Here it is! The LAST chapter....sure did take a while, didn't it? Especially with ff.net not working all week. Oh, and I only have one final to go! Then I'm really on vacation ^__^ Of course by the time this is posted, all this will be old news. Anyway, thanks for all your reviews, and I promise to have more fics out soon ^_~  
  
Inu Yasha Learns To Jive  
  
By Otaku-Chan ^_~  
  
"Inu Yasha, I have returned t' discova' yo' down low about da damn 'jive,' an' f yo' ass do not tell me, I is afraid our truce will be ova', an' I gots'ta most like-like got'ta ice yo' ass. So's spill it!" Sesshoumaru demanded, as he casually dumped the furry lump o' baboon evilness on the hard, dirty ground. Inu Yasha held the hilt of tetsusaiga tighter then he ever had before at that moment, even tighter than when he had certain unmentionable fantasies about Kagome....  
  
"Inu Yasha, there's no need to fight! I'll explain it to him!" Kagome said as she pulled out the book. "This slang book is the cause of all this! The only reason any of you are speaking jive is because of this book. It's cursed...and anyone who's around people affected by the curse seem to spread the jive like butter on toast. That's really the whole story. Unfortunately, I have no clue as to how to break this curse as of yet, but if any of you have ideas, let's here it."  
  
Suddenly, Naraku had an evil grin spread across his face as he leaped up and grabbed the book right out of a very surprised Kagome's hands. Ku, ku, ku! Time to throw the monkey...er...baboon wrench in to add to the problems! At that moment, all chaos insued!  
  
"Bwahahahahahaha! an' ku, ku, ku too! Now I will rule da damn world! I have da damn jive book an' dair be nothin' no o' yo' ass peons kin do t' stop me!" Naraku was immensely pleased with himself at the moment, and he didn't notice the death glares or the angry villagers with pick axes and torches....  
  
"Ano....how is the jive book going to help you rule the world? All it can do is make people talk ghetto..." Kagome asked with a rather large sweatdrop on her forehead. Naraku furrowed his eye brows...how could he have made such a big miscalculation? The wench was right! How could he rule the world if all he could do was funkafy people? Who cares! At least he had the book. He figured that had to account for SOMETHING. Yes. It would be counted as his bad deed for the day. He began to ku, ku, ku his way to the outskirts of the village when suddenly the villagers lunged at him.  
  
It was indeed a very big dog pile, to say the least. Inu Yasha and the others stared at the spectacle for a few minutes as Naraku was being mauled by the angry villagers...when Shippo quickly caught a glance of the jive book flying in the air...if only he could catch it before it landed in a nearby bon fire ( Courtesy of the village teenagers who thought a wild party started ^_^ Not to mention a conveniently planned plot device from a certain fanfic authoress ^_~ ).  
  
"Shippo, whut be yo' ass doin'?! U r fixin' t' git yo' ass burned!" Sango yelled out as she noticed the Kitsune heading for the flames, unaware of the jive book in front of him. Miroku, wanting to be a hero in Sango's eyes, valiently leaped towards the fire to save Shippo from being Bar-B- Q'ed...unfortunately, he tripped over a tree root and landed face first in in the chest of a village girl who just so happened to be passing by. Forgetting poor Shippo, Sango dished out the Hiraikotsu's to the unlucky monk.  
  
Seeing all the havok being reeked, Kirara leaped up and caught both Shippo and the jive book on her newly transformed back. "Thaks yo' ass Kirara! Dat wuz some close call. I owe yo' ass mah life." Before either of them could truly feel relief, Sesshoumaru caught a glance at them and the book, and decided it would make a nice piece to add to his collection ( He was actually very fond of books, believe it or not ), and he unleashed his green glowing whip-thingy to strike at the two youkai.  
  
Kagome then saw what was about to happen, so she reached for her trusty bow and arrows, then readied herself to shoot Sesshoumaru, for the third time ^_^.  
  
"Git off o' me yo' ass foul humans! I, da great, 'esceedin'-like evil, Naraku shall become da damn da Lord o' deat', an' wreck all o' yo' worthless lives 4 dis dispicaple behavior!" Naraku hissed as he fried all the villagers that dared to mess up his beautiful pelt with their foul, odor-ridden bodies. He then picked up on the tension building to his far left as he noticed the trembling Kirara and Shippo, followed by Sesshoumaru and his whip, which led him to finally rest his eyes on the Kikyou reincarnate, poised and ready to shoot her arrows. Ku, ku, ku, how he loved these kind of situations! "Yo' ass be M-A-fuckin'-H propaty!" Then he swiftly leaped towards the unsuspecting Kagome.  
  
"Laive mah goat monk-like yo' ass alone punk-ass ass hole!" Inu Yasha screamed as he noticed the aparent danger his Kagome was in.  
  
Meanwhile, Kaede sat on the stoop outside her hut and watched everything with a bit of shock and amusement. In all her years, she had never seen anything as entertaining...well, except for that 90-year-old male stripper that visited the village one decade ago....Anyway, this was certainly interesting ^_^;;  
  
The shit had finally hit the fan when Sesshoumaru sent his whip spiraling towards Shippo and Kirara, Kagome released an arrow heading for Sesshoumaru's back, Naraku grabbed Kagome around the waist, causing her arrow to fly off course towards the jive book, and Inu Yasha slashed at Naraku with his tetsusaiga...phew...that was a mouthful!  
  
"AAAAHHHHHHH!" Kagome screamed as she felt something incredibly hairy grab her. Realizing it was Naraku, she decided to defend herself the only way she knew how...she sent her lower leg up just the right way to come in painful contact with Naraku's "little Naraku," and once he let her go, Inu Yasha appeared from behind him to slice and dice him to pieces.  
  
The arrow whizzed past Sesshoumaru's head, causing him to stop what he was about to do to poor Shippo and Kirara. Then the arrow made its way right through the jive book, causing it to disintegrate in a black puff of smoke.  
  
Everyone stopped fighting to witness this, and everyone was upset about it...except for Kagome, of course.  
  
"Inu Yasha, speak to me please!" she said in a desperate voice. She had a hunch that with the destruction of the book, the spell would be broken too, at least, she hoped.  
  
"Kagome!!! You stupid wench! Why the hell did you shoot the jive book? I wasn't done reading it!" Inu Yasha retorted as he kicked Naraku a good ten feet away from himself. (I know, a lot of Naraku bashing, ne? ^_^).  
  
Kagome sighed in relief as she ran up to Inu Yasha and hugged him fiercely, as if she hadn't seen him in 500 years. "Thank Kami-Sama you're your usual potty mouthed self!" Inu Yasha blushed a bit, then remebered her snide remark.  
  
"Who the hell are you calling potty mouthed, bitch?!" Indeed, it seemed as though things were back to normal.  
  
"OSUWARI!!!!" Yep. Things were definately back to normal, minus the fact that two of the biggest villains of the story were still there, witnessing the fluffy OOC moment.  
  
"Inu Yasha, now that we no longer speak the language of brothers, we are enemies once again. I will be back to claim tetsusaiga, I promise." With that, Sesshoumaru gracefully leaped into the air onto his magic cloud- thingy that materialized out of nowhere. Now Naraku was the only evil figure left (not that Sesshoumaru was REALLY an evil figure himself ^_~). "I will kill all of you, and your little cat thing too! Ku ku ku! Until next time, Inu Yasha." Then Naraku too, left in a puff of jaki.  
  
"Kagome-Sama, I just have one thing to say to you after all of this chaotic drama that has played out before us over these past two days....Will you bear my ghetto child?"  
  
Both Kagome and Sango turned to glare at Miroku, ready to put the hurt on him for his question."I think there's been enough fighting for one day" Kaede said as she stepped in between the Houshi and the two girls.  
  
Things had finally returned to 'normal' with the Inu Yasha-Tachi, and later that evening they all sat in the hut near the fire that contained a large kettle of soup, each discussing their 'jive experience.'  
  
"Ne, Kagome, can you take me to that book store someday? I want to find that wench who sold you the book, so I can teach her a lesson!" Inu Yasha asked as Kagome smiled sweetly at him.  
  
"But didn't you say you liked 'rappin' like dat?'" she giggled as she poked him playfully in the side.  
  
"Keh. I never said that! Baka," was his reply as he sipped his soup. "You know as well as I do that if I said anything like that, it was only because I was under that crappy spell, so don't even go there, wench!" he snorted.  
  
"Fine, I be down wit' it foo." At this, everyone turned to stare at Kagome in horror. "Whut be wrong wit' ch'all?" Kagome asked, amused.  
  
"Kagome, snap out of it!" Shippo cried as he glomped onto Kagome's chest, getting a nasty glare from Inu Yasha. He knew Kagome was faking it...he hoped she was faking it!  
  
"Hee hee, it's all right Shippo-Chan! I was only joking ^_^." The little Kitsune sighed in relief and was abrubtly yanked off of Kagome, only to be staring an angry Hanyou in the face.  
  
"Lay off MY Kagome, brat!" At that, Shippo was tossed over to Sango. Inu Yasha wouldn't allow a baby to huggle HIS woman.  
  
"I-Inu Yasha...why are you so possessive all of a sudden? Are you under some kind of spell?" Sango asked, as he visibly cringed with the realization of what he just admitted out in the open.  
  
"Keh" was all he said as he got up and headed for his favorite tree for the night.  
  
"Don't pay him any mind, it was probably an after effect from that jive spell. He'll be back to his usual pissy self tomorrow, I guarantee it" Kagome said. Then they all settled in for a peaceful night's rest, without the jive rollin' around in their heads.  
  
"Ne, Kagome-Chan..." Sango began before drifting off, "how come you were the only one who didn't speak like a freak?" Kagome had wondered that herself for the past two days, then finally reached a conclusion on the matter.  
  
"Well, I guess my Miko powers had something to do with it. I might be too pure to use such foul language." Sango 'hmphed' then both girls dozed off, and Kagome's last thought before sleep over took her was that she had to start writing the next chapter to her 'super sour lemon epic' fanfic. Yep. She was as "pure" as they come ^__~.  
  
~Owari~  
  
(The End)  
  
A/N: Well, that wraps up this fic, hee hee ^_^ So, did you like the ending? hate it? tell me please! REVIEW!!! I even managed to have at least two sentences of Inu Yasha and Kagome fluff in there ^^; And sorry to all the Naraku fans! I know I was soooo mean to him in this fic, but I couldn't help it. And the moral of this story is...When you take a whaked out Otaku, mix in the jive server, and a bit o' Inu Yasha, this is what you get! Bwahahahahahaha! That's all I gotta say. Ja ne!  
  
Otaku-Chan ^_~ 


End file.
